In between my thoughts there's an ever growing silence. As time goes on it becomes longer. And in those moments I take note of whats happening around and in me.
Since arriving here, my heart has begun to feel lighter, emptier. It's been disorienting, I have been in deep discovery internally and of the impact I have on the world around me. On what people feel and experience. And I have this reset opportunity in which my heart and my "self" or identity only has to BE.
And so "I," being my heart, has begun to feel filled with light.
And also filled with less. Less of my past. Less attachment, less anxiety, less certainty as well.
My heart seems to really have become a channel rather than a static well. The light that floqs through it, as love, is like a river flowing through my heart. Not quite sure of the source is it inside me? Outside me? Wherever it comes from there seems to be more and more of it.
The river is carved deeper and wider and clearer as time goes on. A portal, channel, gushing out in all it's forms. To those I see, to those I feel, to those I long to see and feel. As my heart transitions from the well it used to be, now to a channel, the experience of who I am becomes uncertain.
I have begun to question the experience of my actual role in that moment where things pass from one side to the other-from an idea (in the place where love is generated) to existing in the actual reality of a hug a gaze a message a phone call. An artqork, an email, a meal. Qhere does it pass from the idea and source realm into reality? Through the river. Through me.
As I can only imagine the river bed feels, as over time it is washed away, my experience now has been as though I am being carved away as well.
That the importance of who I am becomes less and less. And the being there, present in the world exactly as I am becomes more and more.
Leaving me as light - hearted ness.
And it is not water but rather light that flows through and rushes out.
And that light illuminates the humanity, the softness, the only piece of the human experience that I believe holds any real impact in the world.
That, I call LOVE.