What is my/your/our worth?
Right now I am facing a big fork in the road where I don't have to be generating a direct income at the moment.
And that would be great you think right?
But not the case over here in this crazy brain. Over here it is daunting, intimidating and disorienting! My partner said, it's terrible isn't it? All you have to do is do healing sessions that you love and dedicate yourself to making a difference with people through your personal development training and take care of us and our food and home! HA!
It's amazing that my life is right in front of me saying, "Look, here I am! Just as you could imagine and want it! And all that happens for me is fear.
Fear of my power. That I actually have power to create a life that I love. And at the same time, that I am "not doing enough." That my value in the world is somehow less if I don't make a big income or have a title like CEO anymore. That I am "lazy." Or using people, or taking advantage of them, the daunting someone, because I am not doing the typical social thing for work. I don't even know who the them is that I am using!
Fear is so powerful in my life. It is the only thing that keeps us from our dreams.
The lesson here is being worthy. Worth-y. That I bring value to the world no matter how I spend my time or generate money. To accept that there isn't a perpetual thing to DO. No one to prove it to. No one to impress or justify my life to.
As I wrote before, all there is is to Olivia. To remember that just by Olivia-ing I bring value.
Internally life can really rock me sometimes.
I think that's how it goes for those of us who are like I am - empathetic, intuitive, light beings, magical, unicorns, sensitive, anxious, whatever you want to call it.
Maybe it's that way for everyone, but they just don't talk about it.
I know I can cover it up with organization, effort, keeping a formal appearance, being on time to things, a pretty smile. All of that covers up the ocean under the surface. And the mess.
But lately I am admitting the effervescent fragility, unsteadiness, unpredictability that is me. And the brightness and love and passion that goes along with that.
The desire to defend that raw being with my credentials, an income figure, stories of past accomplishment continues to arise. In the face of that impulse, I choose that by coming from my heart I can bring the most VALUE. The greatest WORTH. From my TRUTH.