Experience


A week ago I experienced some body sensations that I have never experienced before. I shook uncontrollably, I felt afraid, asked if I could be experiencing a seizure. After it passed I was so glad to be free of that sensation. I later experienced burning in my body, cold chills, pounding in my skull and a feeling that my eyes, skull, and entire face had inflammation and fire in them.

I feared if that is what death could feel like.

I have in the past experienced that in imagination death could be quite painless. A drifting away. A letting go, falling asleep. This experience had me questioning that idea. Could it actually be painful? Are all the things we experience in life preparing us for that pain at death? I don't believe that really, but that's what the pain had me asking.

I have been fortunate in my life to experience many things in a short number of years. Having shingles at 11, usually not something people experience till their 60’s. Being married and divorced before I am 25. Most recently, shaking - a feeling like Parkinson’s, seizure, possible stroke. I can relate now to people who I know more who experience that.

since a very early age, my mom said I learned with my hands. It gets clear as time passes that the things I choose to experience I very quickly then get to share with others to provide them reassurance and freedom. Its never about me, and it’s always about others.

I really understand though that I don’t have to experience things to understand others. I can perfectly understand things others share with me without experiencing them firsthand and it be equally valuable.

I think looked at why is it that I create the experiences I do? There is always a lesson inside of them. There is something I wouldn’t learn otherwise. I get to experience this to grow and gain insight into myself. To know myself as able to survive the things I choose to experience.

I choose from here on that I don’t have to experience everything. I get to choose. I choose only the necessary pain and hurts. Beyond that I will pass. I create abundance, passion, vitality and joy. Bring on those experiences!


45 views

© 2019 Olivia Pavlov