Off - switch no more.


I gave up the right to have an off switch a few weeks ago. That’s right - an off switch to my love.

In the past, if I had pressure, deadlines, was in a rush, etc., I very frequently turned off and shut people out.

screening calls, rushing out of meetings or avoiding them, cancelling at the last minute, it was as if my personal priorities proceeded those of all the people around me. And when something “important” was on my mind or in my life, I didn’t “have time” for the people around me.

I hadn’t seen this before. I was too deep in it to “see it.” I discovered this way of operating during a communication course and decided that it didn’t serve me. I don’t get to contribute unless I let people in. And so I give up that I have something "more important" to handle or deal with or attend to. This allows contribution to flow in too.

Being really connected is scary. I may not know what to say. I may not be content, settled, grounded at that moment myself. I might get criticized, or people could really see the disorganization of what happens in my thoughts in my mind. What would they think then?!?

Does any of it really matter though?? Answer is nope!

What matters is being available for the people around me to get value. To have someone to listen to them. To have a someone to hold them, put a hand on their arm, provide comfort and love. someone to connect with. To remind them of our humanity. Our real nature. People gravitate to me when I m that way. When I am in my “off switch” mode, I leave people with a strange sense. Of fakeness, and a not genuine love.

I am here now.

On.

Turned On.

Only one mode of operation now because why?

Because I get to say.

And I say I am

ON.


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© 2019 Olivia Pavlov