"I heard someone say once, she starts it, she steers it and she ends it.” - Ed Epperson, 79 years old, quoted this morning.
Today I write about what that might look like.
Ed next asked me, “where do you want Kit’s life to go? (Kit is the main partner I was creating a relationship with since September until recently).
What a big question! I replied that I wanted to see Kit from time to time. I wanted to come together to enjoy one another and be in each other’s presence and then to go our separate ways on the journeys that life provides us. For me to go to India, to be living between Hobart/Melbourne/other Australian cities as I have been. I said I wasn’t interested in waking up in the same bed every morning, nor did I feel the need to have Kit along for all my journeys nor I on all of his. I said that I want to keep offering opportunities to share myself and to love Kit exactly as he is. I said that no matter what he wants I am willing to keep making those offers.
Ed replied that may people want to explain, quantify, contain, manage life. They want to predict and know and direct what things will look like and what will happen. He said that to him (and in his opinion for me as well) we like to exist in the grey zone. The grey zone is where things like art and music and love are made. He said to keep existing there. And to accept when others want to play there too. And when they don’t.
From the grey zone, a post today about a paradigm of abundant love.
A way to abundant love: A new paradigm of relationships, sex and intimacy
Married, single, monogamous, divorced, together, polyamorous, open.
we think that we know what these words mean. That there is a prescription for a structure and how things could look that we often think of. And some of these concepts universalize or generalize…
But take a closer look. Can you really define with the words above? There are actually numerous intricacies that aren’t wrapped up in a word.
When you hear the word married what do you think? Two people, monogamy, exclusive. But what about beyond that? What about an open marriage? More ideas - more than two people, sexuality with other partners, one or both partners partaking in this. How often? How many? What actions are allowed? Is it just kissing or touching another or what about sexual intercourse?
How about the word single? Maybe they “hook up” with people, or they could be on Tinder, maybe they are celebrate.
Infidelity, cheating, affair, extramarital relations, one night stand, sexually exclusive, abstinent.
Abstinent - do they kiss, do they go on dates, do they just not have intercourse, are they in a hermitage of some sort? What about masturbation?
Affair - is it inside of a marriage agreement? Or a boyfriend/girlfriend arrangement? Did they fall in love with someone else? Would that be an affair too?
There is something available outside of these words that we use currently around the conversation of what it is to be in the world of sex intimacy and relationships.
There is a conversation to be had to transform the language we use. To transform the categories and also more importantly to transform the idea that we know automatically what another is creating when they provide us a tagline or a status of “single, married, affair, open, monogamous.”
There is a world where each person creates that they have a relationship unique to them. A “Olivia-amorous”, “Jon-amorous”, “Kylie-amorous”, “Paige-amorous” relationship.
And when we come together with another it’s a “Mia-Theo-amorous” relationship.
A world that when someone asks a man, “Are you in a relationship/single/married/etc?” he doesn’t defer to an easy answer.
He takes the time to honor the other and tell them about the people he loves. About the experiences he desires. About the past he has known and what worked and what didn’t.
This can be easy. This is freeing. This is simple and authentic. This opens a door to a whole world before entirely unthinkable.
To abundant love.
This post is part of my book about a discovery of tools to access abundant love.
To tap in to our relationship to ourselves. To understand what is in our hearts and our deepest desires. To be free to then create our own version of relationship.
Are you willing to be on that quest with me? Let’s keep going.
A world where I give unrelentingly.
Without fear, or a question of what will come in return.
I look for your pleasure which is found through my pleasure.
Through what I feed myself, put on my body, spend my time doing.
Nourishing my soul in all ways.
Tapping in, tuning in to the call of my heart.
To the simple silences and ease that are constantly available in the background.
Airplane creations can be lofty.
Not just the altitude.
But this one is real. This one I feel.
It’s grounded, its solid, it’s in reality. It’s on the court.
My pursuit opens wide the space for your creation as well.
Eternally grateful for our innate human creative ability.
Even with our feet on the ground, let’z fly.