Feeling so much on these days. It’s a privilege and it’s overwhelming at once. Gratitude for all the love around me. My senses extra alive, my dreams vivid and full of emotion. The tingle of the juice I drank on the corners of my mouth, the draft blowing in the door, the texture of my bubble tea all exaggerated. Moved at the impact that my presence can have - a friend sharing about being able to bring love present to a place it hadn’t been in years after talking with me. I feel like I can see everyone around me, and really get their soul. I feel their essence. It’s not a manic high day, it’s an enhanced hyper aware feeling day.
Dancing yesterday. Feeling myself uninhibited from all parts of my body being against anyone else around me. Really able to let go. In the past have felt myself interfere mentally with what my body is doing, but this time it’s total freedom. Two partners I have danced many times before and they both mention they could feel my growth and I could also feel theirs.
Weekly dancing for these past months has made such a difference. I realize that I can be anything that I want truly, it’s just a matter of going for it and practicing it.
True that we are what we practice.
I also have been practicing being an open lover. I meet one friend to teach me about tantra during the day at another friend/lover’s house. He and I lock ourselves up in a trailer for a couple of hours and explore what we have to teach one another.
Then I go to dance contact improv and meet another lover there. The joy of reconnecting after months apart on both our faces. In and out of dances together the longing to unite behind them all.
Together we leave and go to ecstatic dance where my main partner arrives with his other lover and all of us meet and share. On the dance floor I let them all go and melt into the music, the floor, myself, the room. At some point one comes across the floor to me, eyes locked. An explosion of movement, passion, connection ensues, not dropping gazes.
I release fears about what others think, if my outfit is too revealing, is this too expressed for this place, am I too much, my amazement at his presence, is anyone else watching, and I just get into it. Letting that dance take its course, later melting into moments with my other partner, and his lover too. All of us able to be together and present. None of these moments being explicitly sexual. Bringing presence, authenticity, love to all these moments.
Looking for the contribution, the gift for each of these people. It’s something special and unique for each one.
This is the juice, the deepest kind of real connection. Mine happens to look this way, but every person’s is unique. Whatever your expression of it looks like, search for that, and allow it to be.