Pain.


Pain in every form is just an access to a lesson. When it feels too big to handle that’s the time to really face it. What you’re afraid will happen will always happen if not cleared thoroughly. And what you’re afraid or that keeps you from facing the pain is the key. For me I was so afraid of allowing myself to grieve the divorce of my parents I wasn’t ever able to face it. It felt like I would die, be annihilated if I faced it. I had to be willing to get: That fear is not real. No feeling can ever kill me or anyone. I felt that I had to also let go of the fullness of my life to feel this all. Which was true also. There was fear of being abandoned by my partner. Fear of being unable to care for myself in that darkness. Fear that I wouldn’t come out. Fear that if I had hid this darkness from myself for so long I must have been so out of touch. But get this. I was NOT ready. And it’s such a pitfall to think that because I wasn’t ready that there could have been something wrong with that. A big part of my journey has been learning not to compare my feelings, my readiness, my trauma, my hurt to anyone else. I trust the divine wisdom of my heart and the higher being that I am reveal everything that’s needed at the exact time. And yours does too.  


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© 2019 Olivia Pavlov