When I went to Peru I took about three weeks off of my daily self pleasure practice. This practice was something that I had cultivated over the past several years. And it’s the bread and butter of what I teach. Not only to women but men as well. So letting go of this practice was something totally new for me. This would be the longest break I had from the practice in the past three years.
I had an abundance of expectations about what it would be like. I thought it would be hard to let go of and easy to resume when I came home. I thought as soon as I came back out of the healing space I would just jump straight back into my practice and it would be exactly the way it had been before. I was so wrong!
It was actually very easy to stop my practice and I had very little longing for it. Any longing that was there quickly dispersed after the first days.
The real challenge was getting back into the practice.
Everything about my experience surprised me. I had very little desire to resume self pleasuring, I felt like a stranger to my own body, the techniques and approaches I have been using before were no longer arousing for me.
I realized I was starting from scratch!
It felt like I had lost some thing or like I was a fraud if I didn’t have an amazing experience with self pleasuring all the time. Before I had gone on this hiatus, my self pleasure practice was easy, fun and the major source of my power in my life, not just my sex life but all of life! As you can imagine it was very disorienting to be without that anchor.
But, thankfully I knew what to do it! I was able to get a taste of my own medicine and take my own coaching.
The remedy I prescribe is self pleasure every day no matter how you feel about it and observe what shows up.
So I did exactly that. The first few weeks I had very little desire at least half the time to do the practice, but as soon as I would begin, things would start to move. And what showed up a lot at first was anger, resentment, frustration, impatience, self-loathing, criticism.
I was able to Allow myself time to move through all these feelings. After a few weeks it became easier. And then I remembered a few important techniques that I was ready to add in.
I began to add in loving and appreciating myself while doing the practice. I began to add in envisioning my future and the things I desire to create and sending my sexual energy towards that during self pleasure, aka My sex magic practice.
And I began to also encourage myself that although orgasm is not the goal, I would allow myself have more than just one climax per session. For me this relates to my approach to abundance. Being able to allow myself the time to have “more than enough” Pleasure in my life feels like such a luxury, like such a treat, and then I have to remember it’s just our birthright! Taking time for this “abundance” of pleasure represents opening myself to receive more than enough in all areas of my life!
What was also surprising to me was the impact that all of this journey with self pleasure had on my sex life with my partner. I also assumed that after we came out of the healing space it would be very easy to resume our sex life to where it had been before.
Again, I was so wrong! What I discovered was that when I wasn’t deeply connected to my body and my pleasure my partner had less attraction to me and we didn’t have the same drive to make love and prioritize time together. We were having shorter lovemaking sessions than in the past and our sex was much more routine rather than a creative experience.
At first I took it personally thinking he wasn't attracted to me or he was losing interest in me or there was something wrong, but I know better than to believe all those stories that my brain likes to tell me!
I really looked into it and I could see that something was missing because of a break in the important link between my pleasure and the relationship.
As the weeks went on and I depend into myself pleasure practice especially connecting to my body through cervical orgasms with the use of my crystal wand, the spark that had been missing in my relationship began to come back. I began to more clearly express my needs and desires again I was able to clearly share how deeply I need long extended time together with my partner for lovemaking and connection.
And things majorly shifted. We began to have the drive to make Love come back. We began to schedule time for our longer lovemaking sessions. It didn’t feel like a chore but truly a joy.
What we have found for us is that when we have time for me to really surrender and open to him then I’m left wanting to serve him and our relationship and I’m truly in my feminine. This gives him the opportunity to really be in the masculine and lead from the smallest of things like who puts the directions in the map when we get in the car to bigger decisions like what vacations we will take this year.
When I can allow him to lead that way I feel totally supported and feel a major sense of relief and allowing myself to blue. When I’m worrying about small details and feeling controlling, the byproduct of not being connected to my femininity through self pleasure and time for deep lovemaking, I’m totally in my masculine and my masculine competes with his.
When I take the time and deeply connect to my feminine I then want to surrender to him and find greater flow and ease in every area of life! This makes me feel so sexy and want to stay in this space.
As I was taking out the trash the other day I was laughing to myself thinking how important self pleasure truly is! I was laughing because I couldn’t believe how much I had forgotten this.
It’s the key. It was the key that unlocked everything when I first began this journey. How amazing that life gave me an opportunity to truly remember this for myself!
More importantly the impact of me remembering this is it gives me renewed power to work with all of the people whose lives I have the privilege of touching through coaching and healing sessions. I had a new client come to me as a referral through a friend. As I shared with her about what I had to offer and the possible journey she could embark on with me, I was able to share how deeply I believe in the power of self pleasure, the power of the pussy for women!
I feel all the answers are held there, inside our beautiful womb of creation, inside the pussy. Self pleasure gives us the keys that we can use to unlock these mysteries.
Do you have a daily self pleasure practice? If you don’t what comes up when you hear that phrase, “daily self pleasure practice?”