Sitting in a cafe writing this morning for the first time in ages.
This used to be a nearly daily practice. Blogging, grinding, agonizing over the hope that one day my life could be the living dream I could see when I closed my eyes. Day by day I would imagine, strive, visualize, share what I saw and desired.
It began to happen. Bit by bit. I had struggled long enough.
I decided to choose pleasure. To follow pussy. To all the strange, forbidden, and tantalizing (I mean terrifying) places she was calling.
Step by step, the opportunities emerged. Usually hot on the heals of destruction.
For example one major twist happened after getting to the airport in Sydney on my way to India to study tantra and not being allowed to board the flight.
With a few days from that moment I had began working at the strip club and started learning how to quantify my sexual healing offering outside of the club.
What I’m present to this morning, is that dow—time is creation time. And healing. These moments in the cafes are where I dream my future into being. It’s how I got here.
Taking the pauses can be challenging for me even still. Getting swept up in the current of life is easy for me. And exciting. It’s where the action lies.
But peace and ease are more deeply what I desire. I don’t desire to be busy and booked out for months at a time. I don’t desire to have a schedule packed to the brim with calls.
I desire a life filled with meaningful conversation and connections and contribution and pleasure and love.
And it’s here. This is it.
Back to dreaming now....