That's what it's like sometimes.
So raw. So tattered. Devoid. And yet so full. Full of sensation, aliveness, extremely aware.
That's what it's like sometimes.
Hot and prickly. Agitated, wanting to eat, ruffled feathers. Running away, boiling over, eruption.Discomfort. Frustration, dis-ease.
That’s what it’s like sometimes.
When I feel like there is no where to go. When I don’t do what I said I would do. When I dishonour myself and others.
That's what it's like sometimes.
The next thought is: Desire - to be with someone, to feel someone’s skin on mine, to feel that drunk, dangerous, love-sick longing for another body next to mine.
That's what it's like sometimes.
Why did you disappear. I kissed you in the cafe, across the table, the fire in my soul about to explode. You felt it. Your eyes glazed with terror, lust, magic, and wonder. You said you’ve never experienced that before either. I see your picture and my stomach drops. At the magic of that moment. At the perfection of it. At the movie-star non-reality that is you. You are my muse. One of many.
As I walked out the door, after I had tucked you in to the bed and blown out the candles and put my rain soaked clothes back on, I knew. I knew that was it. The melancholy began right then. I enjoyed you every moment. I knew to enjoy you that way. It’s like a fine ice cream, or a candy. You enjoy every bite because you know it’ll be gone.
That's what it's like sometimes.
The longing subsides as I write this. I long for many more of these moments in life. To fill in the gaps between the ordinary moments.
That's what it's like sometimes.
If every single moment were magic, we wouldn’t know it. Because magic would be the new normal. Magic is only magic because it’s in relation to the mundane, or the contentment, or the simple.
That's what it's like sometimes.
Curious, willing, open. Willing to say, I am going to die, you’re going to die. Let’s make the most of it till then.
That's what it's like sometimes.
#explore #love #livelove #lovesick #enjoylife #kiss #play #desire #inappropriate