© 2019 Olivia Pavlov

Owning it.


It’s hard for me to show up on my journey when I feel such a mix of emotions.  

I feel bone crushing loss and disorientation. I feel ecstatic freedom and certainty that I’m on the path. I fear being wrong again about where I want to focus. But really I know the truth. I feel a spiritual connection that’s so strong. I’m tapped into it all the time. The other day I felt it as two hands holding me as I sat in the sand. I heard it as a whisper saying I’m with you. It’s love. It’s God. It’s amazing. And I don’t share about it. I’m afraid of judgement for this. That I’ll end up wandering on the sand like one of the lost homeless on the beach. Well you know what? I’m already there. I walked on Saturday crying, tears streaming down my face, yelling and allowing myself to feel these feelings. It’s been intense lately. This has been my work. Not questioning not fighting not making this kind of emotion wrong. Just feeling it all. It’s my disorientation. It’s my intensity. It’s my fear. Owning it. I’m not it. But it’s mine.  


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