If they were ever a post that I felt scared to write it would be this one. This is something that I am deeply journeying with still and do not feel “masterful” yet. I even felt my shadow emerging in this area this last night! Read to the end to hear that story. I guess that is what makes me the perfect person to write this :-) because it’s some thing alive that I’m learning and aspiring to grow inside of.
how do I see my sisters as my support system and allies? How do I transform and release parts of me that have seen other women as a threat. A threat to the survival my DNA or my species is the root of it I’m sure. Something cellular. But it shows up as a “threat” to my “persona” of who I
Am inside a relationship too. I’m journeying with soothing, loving the part of me that wants to mate guard, compare, defend and prove I’m the best. I know the answer is not to STOP these tendencies but to give them the love and the care they call forth so the gift underneath can emerge.
This last year I’ve had the opportunity to grow and expand in this area. My partner and I have a oscillated in and out of monogamy. One gift of the times when we have been non-monogamous, is that when I choose it, it has allowed me to deeply grow in my sisterhood. There was one day last week where I exchanged messages on social media with three of my partners other former lovers! Because they have also become part of my close circle.
I remember the day last year that he made with one of them and I was grateful to be able to be with her before hand and clear our own fears about that experience transpiring. To voice our concerns about if this would create division between us.
Understanding her desire to have that intimate experience with my partner, understanding his desire, and having the resources I needed like another sister to support me during the experience allowed for my heart to stay open. And not only did I grow in love that day but we all did.
Recently another former lover of his didn’t extend an opportunity to me and I saw myself wanting to make a story about her. Rather than allowing that to happen I reached out and expressed that I saw myself contracting and I actually wanted to be in connection in communication with her. Sharing that and receiving her own feelings which was a desire to connect and her own hesitation to do so allowed for that to move and we ended up collaborating on something!
Those are some success stories. But the opposite is equally true. Last night I stumbled down the Instagram rabbit hole to an @ss photo of a woman who I didn’t know And my partner had liked it as well as many of her other photos. It brought up a whole reaction to seeing this person as someone to be feared. I felt the hot first adrenaline filled anger run through me. I did some emotional relapse. I spilled some of that pain on my partner (sorry baby).
What is this part of me that sees her as a “threat” because I didn’t know about her? How do I transform this experience to get that she’s just a human doing her thing and I’m sure I play the same role as her in other womens stories?
I don’t have many answers here but I have this for myself: take the medicine that life gives me. How is this here to teach me? What part of me wants more of my own love and attention? What do I need to say? To myself and to other women?
I would LOVE to receive your comments here about all of this. Or a DM if it feels too personal Especially if I’ve been a character in a dynamic like this for you.
May I continue to learn and grow. May i remember that sisterhood bonds is in eternal ways. For my sisters who I love deeply already THANK YOU for being such a foundation in my life. For my sisters I don’t know yet may I continue to see you as a gift and love you and open my heart to you. Amen.