The Balance of Creation
Creation is such a dance. A dance of letting go and also getting clear. It will never be something that I have figured out. It’s something I continually experiment with. How much doing and how much letting go and magnetizing. How do I know what I’m creating is “right”? All I know is that life keeps getting better and better. The more attention and energy I put towards consciously defining what I wish to experience the more closely my actual experience matches it. Despite this, I find that my subconscious sometimes takes over and wins. I was reading more about my gene keys yesterday and one of my main takeaways was that part of my life purpose is to understand the unconscious drives behind human behavior and serve as a guide for others to create lives they love and trust in life. And that part of the way to gain this understanding was by facing challenges and fears in my own lifetime. Some fear and challenge I’ve been facing while here in Costa Rica is a deep questioning of my programming around living a relaxed beautiful life. A voice in my head keeps telling me that I should just go back to America get a house and settle down. It also says that there’s something “wrong” with me asking for support or bringing in clients to support this lifestyle. It butts up against the TRUTH that I’m following the call of where life wants me to be. That I’m on track. That I’m On purpose. That I want for not just myself but any human to have the life they dream of and the means to work toward creating it. Lately I’ve also been deeply wrestling with the imposter syndrome or what I will call worthiness around my wisdom and my value. A questioning of who am I to teach what I do, to share what I do, that I’m “too young/inexperienced/not well trained enough/blah blah blah.”
It’s way easier to not show up. It’s way easier not to make offerings. It’s way easier to just sit back and let life happen and not follow the calls and the impulses that she sends me. But there’s a bigger drive behind all of this. And it’s my connection to my purpose and to TRUTH. To serve love and the awakening of humanity to remember their true nature that we are all creators.
I KNOW much bigger than this small voice in my head that that’s the call I’m connected to. I also am holding this voice and the lovely “protection mechanism” that it is and the subconscious kinky parts of me that have gotten off on this voice. I’m allowing them to be there, and not shutting it down. Just fully experiencing it inside myself physically using trauma release techniques and speaking to it letting it know it’s not the boss.
I’m here for all of it. I’m here for this life, and damn it’s a fun experience/experiment where none of it matters yet it ALL MATTERS.